well. im back. finally. alot of things happened the past 6 days.and.. im lost in my own world.so many things happened that i myself is lost.so very lost.i know things are wrong. yet i still go ahead with it.and things turn out to be expected.crying is all i can do. and all ive been doing.all i ever did was nothing but cry.but finally, today. after i realise i live my own life.and not living it on someone else..i picked myself up and stopped crying.breaking down. crying my ass out last nite is disgracing.i hardly slept a wink.crawled up my bed. toss and turn.and i still cant fall asleep.4am close to 430am. i gave in. and slept.woke up at 6am. with my puffed up eyes.dreaded going to sch. bcos i know ill lose control.but still. i went.i dont cry bcos i wan sympathy..i cry bcos crying silently helps no more...broke down 3 times in sch. and ended up crying...
is also disgracing. 38 pairs of eyes looking at you.you're the focus of the class. all you did was just sitting there and cry.trying to wipe off the tears..but they seem never ending.they just kept coming like a running tap.its hard not to cry. its hard to say its alright.its hard to let go. its hard to say goodbye.i cant forget. its impossible to forget.i wont forget. its difficult to forget.i wanna cry my sorrows away.i wanna drink my sorrows away.i dont wanna live a moment in unhappiness.i wanna be happy. i wanna be the happiest like ive once used to be.maybe its time to set out for a new story.or maybe this story can still be salvage.i dont know. ive been waiting. and is still waiting.let me know if this still can be salvage.i wanna move on with time.i wanna cry no more...but deep down inside. ive to admit..i still love you. and i need you badly..
hes not my guy.thought over it le.he isnt the type of guys i wan.the guys i wan doesnt exist.he isnt the guy i knew 16 months n 5 days ago.well. didnt go to sch.slept at 4am last nite.woke up at 7am.so i went back to sleep. hahas..cried my ass out last nite.feeling kinda silly anws.hmm. few days back i spent my day in sch.came home. online, music, frenster, fone.den sleep. quarrels. eat. study. bathed.walked. roam around like ive nowhere to go.thinking of stupid things.thinking through things..life has been a bitch. it hasnt been good.hoping itll turn out good. SOON. having terrible headaches.dont know where my heart n mind wans me to go.ive lost my sense of direction.ive lost everything.im waiting. waiting for a new beginning.a beginning both you n i will like.but i guess itll never happen.im always asking for too much in ur eyes.all i wanted was happiness.all i needed was to feel secure without you ard.but no. as time pass.. as days pass..you felt that its alright to do things i didnt like.cos weve been together for long.i dont know. i need myself to come back.i need to go n search for myself.its been so long i wanted happiness..everytime im a step closer to it..youd do things to let me retreat.why is this so?you chose this relationship. you chose me.im nowhere near your age.for all those childish thinking i might have.for all those acts your exgirlfrens might not give you.you still have to bear with them.its my responsibility to change for you.its your responsibility to stay by my side to help me.but i dont feel your presence.you aint giving me enough reasons to let you free.i may be holding onto you too tightly.but its all bcos what i know hurts me so much.it takes time to heal. but i dont know when.i dont wan you to be like this.i wan us to go back to the past.if we cant. i will give up..like ive always said...you might be e nicest guy ive met so far..but if things doesnt work out between us..theres no point holding on..hurting one another. you cant accept who i am.i cant accept who you wanna be.what you wanna do..then whats the point of trying so many times.and the results turn out to be the same? tell me. i need to know.you said im the girl youve never loved so much.but to me..i feel as if im the girl youve ever been so harsh to.everything's to the extent.i can be so so happy. but i can too be so so hurt.do you know that?should we still be together..is a question yet to be answered.i dont know why are we always quarreling.other couples dont. why only us?well. its time to think over it.no point thinking thinking n thinking..we gotta discuss it babe.you aint young. its aproximately another 9 yrs before u get married.you need a very long time to judge if shes e one.not the one to be ur girlfriend.but the one to be your wife.the only woman whom ure gonna face every morn.ive got a long way to go.so if we're not meant to be..you gotta go soon. life's like a box of chocolate.you'll never know what youre gonna get.this moment we break up.e next moment there might be a girl u fall in love with.life is full of surprises.meeting a girlfriend is just the same like..youll never know when youll just die..in an accident or whatever.so. relationship..its all or nothing. its never half half.its to cherish. or to fool around.but rmb. there're things call retribution.well. everything's so troublesome.life's nothing but a bitch* lols x)
imma piggy without enough sleep!!
imma piggy w/o enough sleep!!l0ls. im tired. very tired.hmmm. wasnt home for CLOSE to 2 days.hahas.. spent friday nite with honey.wenta lotsa places. den end up at linkin's hse.watch vcds. slept. meddle with his fone.den wenta eat. back to his house. went home and changed. den settle some small problems.den wenta pasir ris park to crabb.with my boy and the guys.den wenta eat. den back home!! hahas..got home about 11pm. gosh. was damn shagged. wenta bed straight after i bathed. hahas..and slept for 12 1/2 hrs strraight. l0ls!! wake up. eat. and gb with him. mygod. hahas.played for about 4 hrs. mygod. im tired!!hmmm. im still craving for my golden sausage. hahas.. my house there got pasar malam.can go buy le.. weets* im so happy. shalala~ l0ls.kkays. i rest awhile more. den go do my hw le barhs.. hahas..tired tired.. tonight must rest early.tml got sch.. mygod. the thought of sch reopening sucks big time man.HAIIS!!! saddening saddening..nvm. later my golden sausage will cheer me up!hahas. well. there isnt any pictures to upload.maybe later will have.cos i shld be meeting honey to go walk walk.hahas.. happy happy~!! =Dalrights. i shall get going then. take care guys.. hugs and kisses to my boy. love you. muacks*imu*
tanning day*
sihong and me*back from tanning!!! weets*simply loves my color. -muacks-okays. hahas.. woke up late.rushed. meet sihong at about 12.slackked. swam.and tanned. hahas.. =Dgoshhies. there are loads of uncles today.and there are loads and loads of guys today.hahas.. what kinda guys?cute guys. nice looking guys of cos. hahas..the lifeguards on duty today were all nice looking.kinda cute as well. hahas..enjoyed my day. cos im tanned!!very tanned i would say.but i will be going for a third round prolly.....next friday or saturday barhs.. hahas..ohmygod. i just love suntanning. hahas.. meeting him later. maybe staying overnite.maybe not. haiis. i dont know..hopefully will stay overnite barhs..cos. its coming to the end of holidays le..kinda upset. but happy too..cos im rather bored too.cos he's working n no longer schling.life isnt that easy anymore.then holidays are quite fun too barhs.can relax. time is damn flexible. hahas..well. after this holidays.gotta stuff my head into books!!study hard. and after mid yr exams.will be the june holidays.. woos*hahas.. time flies huhs?? =Dalrights. im leaving.gotta catch some sleep.im burnt. hahas~take care guys. enjoy urselves to the fullest in e last bits of hols.miss you my boy. i love you* hugs and kisses*
happy 16th anniversary =D
happy 16th anniversary sweetie.new blog. new beginning =Dhmm. alrights.dont wanna blog much.dont wanna update much as well.hahas. just wanna let this blog have a start.yeahs. tts all.well. plans for tml is like..kinda ruined. wtf man.hahas. im upset. LOLS.okays. just hope tml will be a nite out.before the holidays just end like this.and before me going back to sch suffering.hahas. its like. seriously. wtf man..okays okays. i shld be happy today.well. lemme sleep my troubles off.good nite guys. take care. sleep tight =)i love you my boy. sleep tight. sweet dreams.hugs and kisses*lovedd*
